#2 - Grief

A spiritually gifted entrepreneur who's been connecting to other realms and Angels since 6, runs a thriving Transformation practice. Her clients repeatedly share how much she changes their lives.

But admin?

She can't do it. She can't track her client sessions. Which means she misses out on payments owed to her, and overgives. 

"Yummii - all I have to do is go through my text messages to count how many sessions the client is up to - and I just can't!"

Contracts feel constrictive. Staying on top of sessions feels impossible. The resistance is real.

And the embarrassment is even more real.

"How is THIS the thing that stops me?"

Highly capable people carry a specific kind of shame about the “small” things they can't seem to fix.

What is simple to the masses can be overwhelming to extremely highly capable people.

Despite how easy it is to address these “small” problems, the blind spot is the energetic bond that keeps the behaviour alive.

It goes beyond mindset. And no amount of "talking about it" or unravelling the story will undo its grip.

It's somatic. 

More importantly….it’s identity. 

When the reaction doesn't match the circumstances, the greater the emotional charge, the wider the gap between what's happening and what it actually means.

That gap is the invitation.

Sometimes resistance is just resistance. You need to do the thing. But when a simple admin task carries shame, overwhelm, defensiveness, years of trying and failing - that's not about admin anymore.

There's something protecting itself. 

There is a very powerful purpose behind these small things that seem so simple yet are highly charged.

There is a purpose in keeping alive the overwhelm, the embarrassment and the shame.

And that's why it feels "sticky".

Because it's not about being disorganised and learning to be more organised.

And it doesn't come down to being ADHD and that’s just how the brain is… if it were that simple, it would be solved.

The presenting circumstance is asking her to… 
1. To start tracking her client sessions so she gets paid
2. To know that it’s safe to do so.
3. To feel safe without the overwhelm, the shame, and the mental and emotional experience that it brings.

What’s predictable is to solve the surface problem. Or go in deep. 

Get a VA. Set a timer. Heal the resistance. Address the ADHD. Outsource it. Force yourself to do it on the call. Meditate on it. 

So then.. the outcome would be… 

She feels different, but the admin still doesn't happen. Or she completes the task, but it's the same identity of pushing through and forcefully willing herself through it. 

And with every approach above, she isn’t changed.

The thing might get done, and it will present itself elsewhere. 

Identity transformation requires both - internal shift AND external action happening together.

I track people somatically - through breath, words, frequency. I meet them exactly where they are. 

Within minutes, I could sensel it - this wasn't about admin at all.

The “resistance” with the admin had a texture to it that went beyond what you see, taste, touch, smell, and hear. A grip that is invisible to the senses, and extremely alive in the Unseen.

I asked one question, and her voice changed. Her breathing changed. Her presence changed.

She was no longer gripping or tightly wound. She didn't need to be defensive as though the "admin" was attacking her. She softened.

I asked another, and the grief surfaced - right there under the criticism, under the overwhelm, under the “why can't I just-get-it-done”.

Her father. Passed years ago. 

The voice telling her she didn't have a proper business? His voice.

The one she missed so deeply, she would subconsciously do anything to keep it alive - even the parts that criticised her, even the parts that hurt.

I had her invite him in. Speak to him directly.

Her voice is cracking. The tears stream down. Her lips were quivering.

"I miss you so much."

That’s the unexpressed love - that has been seeking a place to land. That's what she has been wanting to express. 

She heard him - clear as anything - "I'm always here. I'm always here."

Then I had her say it out loud. "Dad, I'm really proud of my business."

"I'm really proud of your business too."

The words her Heart could fully receive.

A man who had impossible standards, the head of the most incredible hospitals. Highly respected.

The only relationship she knew with him was one of not meeting the bar he set. And the yearning of his recognition and acceptance for the path she chose - that she couldn't receive while he was alive.

Her whole body softened. The tension she'd been holding for years - gone.

Now… the actions become available - and actionable.

The resistance was never about admin.

It was that doing the admin meant losing a familiar emotional bond with her late father. She didn’t want to let that memory go. 

It was the mask of fear.

Fear of letting go. Fear that if she stopped hearing his criticism, she'd lose him completely.

As her body relaxed and the grief moved, capacity opened.

Now we could put practical actions in place - because her internal world could finally hold them.

No forcing. No willing her way through. No hustling to get it done.

Her consciousness shifted. Not only can the actions be done, they are done from a different identity.

This is what I see that mostly gets misunderstood about Fear.

The discernment to know when something is just what it is - and when it's protecting something deeper. When the reaction doesn't match the circumstance, there's something underneath asking to be met.

The shape of the resistance. The signature of what's really asking to be met. Through tracking. Through meeting someone in their body, and the presence that's behind the words.

What are you holding onto that you think is about one thing - but it's actually about something else entirely?

On the surface it occurs as...  
Procrastination that feels like laziness.
Pricing resistance that feels like imposter syndrome.
Visibility block that feels like fear of judgment.
Admin chaos that feels like disorganisation.

What if it's fear - just wearing different faces?

What if going deeper changes everything - not just how you feel, but what becomes possible?

Fear doesn't always announce itself.

Sometimes it looks like you just can't get organised.
Sometimes it looks like you need better systems.
Sometimes it looks like a character flaw you've been trying to fix for years.

But underneath - always underneath - there's something you're not ready to let go of yet.

Is it always this deep?

No. Sometimes resistance is just resistance and you need to do the thing.

The key is discernment - knowing when to push through and when to meet what's underneath.

Identity shifts happen on mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual planes. It needs to be cellular, actionable, and emotional all at once.

Will I go through this process with everyone who struggles with admin? Is admin resistance always grief?

No. That's why transformation isn't one-size-fits-all.

It's not enough to feel good or feel bliss.

And it's not enough to take the action and complete the task.

This is what it looks like when someone changes on a cellular level AND gets the damn thing done.

And Fear - has many faces... and it rises when it's ready to be released, by you, meeting it with Love.

PS Is she forever changed? No. Her relationship to admin will be on a new trajectory. Her business can now receive more. And it is a practice and a mastery - to expand capacity - and choose being someone that can let Love land.